New Years Goal – Let it out

The whole chapter of Psalm 32 is amazing and filled with hard truth but backed by grace! This Psalm is thought to be written by David after he was confronted and repented about his relationship with Bathsheba. The prophet Nathan confronts David’s sin in 2 Samuel 12. It’s hard to read because it’s like the movie where you the spectator see what is coming up but the person being confronted in the movie doesn’t see it coming. It’s painful to watch the story unfold. David has committed a huge sin against God. Stepping outside what God has given him and stealing what didn’t belong to him. Nathan’s rebuke is direct and straightforward. After that, David repents having a major change of heart. This Psalm is one of those scriptures showing what that looked like for David.

Psalm 32 starts with celebration of one who’s been forgiven. Verses 1-2 talk about the person who’s been forgiven is blessed. “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. ² Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.” This is a celebration of freedom that comes when a burden has been lifted and removed. It is no longer counted against the one who committed the sin. David has experienced new life in this freedom. He knows that even though he committed sin, now that he has confessed and repented – God no longer holds that sin against him. Why does David feel so much better?

Verse 3-4 dives into David’s inner turmoil before that repentance. “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. ⁴ For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.” I read this and instantly I am transported back to a season of my silence. A season in which I thought no one knew what I was doing and how I was living. I had excuses and lies that I thought covered it all. I tried to convince myself and others that they misunderstood my intentions and my actions. “I wouldn’t do that…” But truth be told I had done it and I continued doing it for a season.

When you read David’s whole story you begin to wonder why David ever thought that how he was acting towards Bathsheba wouldn’t be noticed. Or how slow He was to catch on to Nathan’s words, calling out the sin. But even in the lies and the deceit, we see from David’s own words that his sin was heavy on him. He was being pressed from the inside. David knew God was bringing the sin up but he kept pressing it down until Nathan came. David says he had no strength and in another translation says it felt like his bones were pressed to powder.

Can you relate to this at all? Knowing you have committed sin and trying with everything with in you to keep it quiet. Trying to convince yourself that if you just keep going, no one will find out and it will get better. Maybe you think people may know but no one has said anything so you chose not to say anything but the pressure in your chest is so heavy you can’t breathe. Like David, it saps your strength? I can really relate. For me the season of silence came as I tried to make all the pieces of my messy life better. I was looking to fix my problems my own way. I justified sin because I thought the end justified the means. I didn’t want to work through the hard things, I just wanted immediate relief and pleasure. Several years into this season of sin, I couldn’t hide anymore. And the reality was, I had hid it from no one. Everyone knew already but I was finally willing to see truth. I had created a much larger mess “fixing” my own problems. And now, not only did I have many more issues to work through, I had lied to everyone who was important to me. It was a heavy realization as I finally looked at the reality of the situation. I had become everything that I swore I would never be.

I spent time, asking God to forgive me and change me. I sensed immediate forgiveness and love. Verse 5 “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” Like David, God had also forgiven me. But that didn’t change the relationships that I had broken. In order to heal those, I had to break the silence. But I feared that speaking the truth would damage me. I was afraid that saying the words out loud would not bring me peace. But that was a lie I was speaking to myself. Even if no one knew and no one forgave me, the silence was crushing me. I had to speak openly about my sin and what God was doing in me as He was healing me. I shook with nerves each time I shared truth and asked for forgiveness from each person I hurt. It was not easy but it did become easier each time. In fact, what I noticed, was shame and guilt began to fade more and more each time I spoke openly about what God had done! Not everyone forgave me or believed I was telling the truth. I don’t blame them. I had broken trust. But, the healing of speaking openly rather than hiding it was so worth the chance I took. Like David, I could understand how blessed it was to be forgiven.

Verses 6-7 “Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him. ⁷ You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance.” Here we see that even in hard times that come after, God will protect. The storm still comes but God preserves him who’s forgiven and in the midst of that, a shout of deliverance comes! We can celebrate, out loud, what God has done. One final note, this Psalm is one that is created to be sung corporately. David wrote this to be sung in a large “church” gathering to share what God does when we repent an then speak out about it.

I can speak from experience that it hurts to hold sin inside. I can also say that once forgiven and walking in repentance, we can still feel shame and guilt. BUT when we allow God to use what we have gone through, breaking the silence, not only does freedom come but it also, give us the ability to use our story to share what God has done. We don’t all have to stand on a stage in front of hundreds and bare our souls but what about sharing with a few trusted friends first? Maybe being honest with your spouse, kids, family? It’s not easy to let others know that we have failed but I’d be willing to guess that they might already know. Breaking the silence is freeing for us and others. Let’s be willing to break the silence and let it out! God is good and He wants us to experience freedom. Let this year be the year we walk in freedom of what God has done in us and for us. Let’s speak out!