Choosing Mr. Right – Devastating Choices

Letter to 19 year old me,

So, you met someone – consider the choice well. You think he is Mr. Right. You think he could be someone amazing if only he… I know you see his potential, but at this stage in his life, he isn’t what you hoped your future mate might look like. You’re even willing to compromise about your non-negotiables believing that it will be worth it.

Marcee, it won’t turn out as you think. He will not become who you envision him becoming. Have you considered if he likes who you want him to become? I know you have talked about it with him. What is his response? He isn’t lying when he tells you that, he has no interest in that kind of life.  

I know you hurt now. The life you’re living isn’t true to who you were called to be. You can’t fit the person God created you to be in this mold of your creation. Your dating life is not supposed a season of pain, broken trust, crying, proving, and praying. If it’s hard now, it will be infinitely harder later.

Come with me into the future for just a moment, and then decide if your decisions will be worth it in the end. Picture yourself married in your new home. Yes, you bought a little home together and it’s cute and dysfunctional, just like your marriage at this point. He hasn’t stopped partying and now you have that sweet baby to fill your days and nights. It’s difficult taking care of her alone. He’s physically there but mentally he isn’t. He sold out to addiction years ago and that hasn’t ended. Your crying and begging have done nothing but build walls between the two of you.

Further into the future, after years of trying, you are blessed with another sweet girl. Marcee, it hasn’t changed. Years into this marriage and none of your dreams and plans about how to change him have come true. Now you’re tired and disillusioned wondering what to do. The past won’t change and now your future seems bleak. Your beautiful children will be hurt more by this choice than could ever imagine.

Girl, you have incredible optimism. God has blessed you to see the greatness in people that they cannot see. But you can’t force people to change. Weigh the consequences carefully. Trust the Creator to create your love story, with Him first and then with a mate. Your life will be infinitely better. Not because it will be perfect, but because you are following the Ultimate Optimist who really can move on your behalf and work it out, for your good and His glory.

Trust me, your choices are devastating. Be wise, wiser than I was.

Love,

An older, wishing I had considered the consequences, Marcee