Be careful what you pray for

Remember the time you prayed for God to change you? Maybe you’ve asked Him to show you where you are walking in sin? How about show you areas of your life that you have idols? What happened when God started answering your prayer requests? I’m going to guess that if it’s anything like what He does with me, you suddenly find yourself in a puddle crying often wondering what has happened. It’s painful and hard to see the forrest through the trees. It’s not like God has been mean or accusatory but really it feels more like He has allowed the veil to be moved back a bit so that you can see the real you.

For me, it seems like suddenly I am confronted with the depravity of my heart. It causes me to grieve and mourn my brokenness. I am broken by the pain I cause around me because I behave in a way that feeds the sin rather than exterminate it. My sin, it’s uglier than I thought. It’s bigger than I had imagined. When I asked God to change me I thought we would be removing a silver of pride, turns out I have a plank run through me that I have been excusing and ignoring for far too long.

So now what? I see my pride for what it is. I know this area of sin I have excused is not what God wants for me and I know it needs to go. But it’s been there so long I hardly noticed it. I have been used to the reactions I have had when it’s bumped. In fact, when it’s bumped, I usually blame the person who bumped it. It’s been easy to avoid. But I can’t unsee it now. I feel faced with two choices; allow God to begin the painful surgery of removing is from my life and show me how to heal and live my life in a way that this doesn’t happen again. Or I can give it a nod, tell God I appreciate Him showing me this but I don’t want to deal with the pain and the re-training that will have to happen. It’s too hard for me. It hurts too much. I may have to say sorry to those around me who I have hurt by allowing this to be apart of me. I may have to think more about my speech and actions so that I don’t walk back down the same road to this same sin. I may have to give up the dreams that I had planned for my future and trust that if God wants to use me He can use the means He desires to use. I can’t use my pride as a weapon to get what I want any longer.

You see, it’s never easy to let God do a work in us. Maybe that’s why we don’t want to pray this prayer over our lives often, but if we don’t, we risk walking around like wounded people resisting life giving healing. I know that I will never get to the place that I don’t have sin that needs to be addressed in my life on this side of Heaven. I realized that. But do I really want to spend my days, pretending that I don’t need God to heal these areas of my life? If that is my choice then I won’t be able to live my life to the fullest that God desires for me. I can’t live to the fullest because I won’t let Him show me how to be healthy enough to follow Him well. I won’t be able to see Him leading because I am focused on treating these painful areas of my life. I won’t be able to hear Him because I am hurting and I can’t focus on His leading.

We each know that we have areas of sin and idols that need addressing. The question is, are we brave enough to trust God into the removal of those so that He can show us what He has for us? Maybe you have been praying for resolutions of relationships, or promotions, or healing in you mind. I wonder if those healings are exactly what God wants to give you but the way to those removing these areas of sin in your life. If you are praying for a miracle, be ready. Don’t let this area be the thing standing in the way of that miracle. Let God begin with you! Is the miracle worth the laying down of these areas of our lives and letting God be the Healer? Not only would you be better off, but the miracle would be that much better because you can receive it with wholeness.

When we don’t allow God to do the process of removing sin in us we become our own god, our own savior. We believe that we can handle our sin in a better way. We don’t want to give God the reigns in our lives so we drive on do it our own way. How exhausting that is! Not only does God want to give us healing, He wants to give us rest from the work of holding it all together.

Hebrews 4:12-16 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. ¹³ Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.¹⁴ Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

God’s surgery is with precision, it’s not reckless. His Word divides soul and spirit, joints and marrow. God goes right to the area needing healing and operates with careful attention. Once done, the healing is easier because the surgeon is good. When you see Jesus healing in the New Testament you don’t see people humiliated and hurt after. They are rejoicing and celebrating that healing. He’s not interested in crushing you. He wants you to have joy, peace, love in abundance! He wants to give you abundant life. See verse 16 above, He wants to give us mercy and grace to meet our need. We can come before God with our messes and surrender them expecting that He will give us strength to do the things He asks us and that in removing our sin from us He gives us freedom! Let’s just be sure we understand mercy and grace. Mercy is not getting what you deserve and grace is us receiving undeserved love and favor. Think of this in light of our sin. He forgives us because He loves us! See the first part of verse 16, we approach the throne of grace, God’s throne with confidence because of Christ! We don’t have to wonder how we will be received. We don’t to be afraid of how to come before God when we are confronted with our sin. We can repent and trust that He wants to walk through it with us extending love and mercy. I take my sin to Him and He gives me grace and mercy! That overwhelms me. I don’t deserve to be loved like that but He loves me anyways.

Hebrew 4:9-11 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; ¹⁰ for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. ¹¹ Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience^. These are the verses right before those I just shared. If you aren’t overwhelmed by God’s love yet, let me move further. God wants us to rest in His healing ability. We don’t have to strive to walk in healing. We don’t need to beat ourselves into a new way to think but allow God to do the work in us. Receiving it and walking in rest.

For me, this plays out as trusting that I can hear Him and then obey even when it’s hard. My pride likes to rear up and causes me to say things I shouldn’t say. In those moments rest is learning to pause before speaking and if I spoke before I thought, being willing to learn to apologize and take responsibility for my hurtful words. I don’t have to summon strength or create my own path. It’s resting in God’s ability to speak to me and then trusting in Him giving me courage to walk out a new way of behaving.

I take comfort knowing that God LOVES to heal me. He desires my live to have peace and to rest in His ability to lead me. Jeremiah 33:6 “‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. God is for you friend. He is for me. When we place our trust in Christ, we can rest that God will move us and walk us to places that we can receive healing and wholeness. I urge you to be willing to pray those hard prayers knowing that God isn’t harsh to His kids. He is loving and kind, compassionate and merciful. Just think what our lives would look like if we lived this way daily!