Why does waiting have to be so hard?

Do you ever read a story in the Bible a hundred times and then all at once you read it again and – BAM – it comes alive in a new way that totally fits where you’re at? That’s me. Honestly, I identify with the Israelites in the desert so often but in this season of my life, it’s more so. Usually, the part I see myself with the Israelites in the desert is how many times they got it wrong. Slow learners unite!

But right now, the time I relate to on the wilderness journey is the waiting. Oh, the waiting. I need to pause and breathe thinking of all the waiting. I know by the very nature of waiting that lapse of time is involved. It isn’t instant. But can’t there be some sort of street signs that tell you how far you’ve come and how far you have to go? Like on a 1/2 marathon they put markers on the street to tell you your distance. I ran one 1/2 marathon in my life. I loved the distance flags. I was so excited to see them blowing past. Until about mile 10 or 11. As I was running along the trail I began to think I was probably close to the next marker. Then running a bit longer I began to think that the people who set up the race path must have forgotten the next mile marker. Then further still I thought “maybe they don’t put markers the last few miles”. Well, the marker was there, right on point. I was just tired and that mile felt so much longer than the last 2 miles had felt. Maybe mile markers don’t help perfectly but there’s an idea of time until the finish

This is a season of waiting, learning and stretching for me. Brett, my hubby, is in the waiting with me but he is more relaxed and able to wait and I am being stretched like the old Stretch Armstrong toy. This is hard for me. What I am realizing is, I don’t like to wait. I can handle lines at the store or waiting for a red light to change but weeks, months… Nope I am a “let’s get it done” kind of a girl. I love jumping into a project having studied it on Pintrest for an evening. And then with very little knowledge on how to do it, I jump in and continue until it’s done. I enjoy the energy that comes from seeing a project get from start to finish. I also know that when I jump into something, I can get it accomplished. Very few times do I start something that I won’t be able to complete. Needless to say waiting isn’t my strong suit.

But God. Famous words. Each time you read those words in the Bible is where the story takes a turn. I am at a place in life I want to stop limiting God’s plan in my life. So, cautiously, I ask Him to use me how He wants and I have given Him the right to change my life how He sees fit. It’s a scary way to pray, because I haven’t dictated to God all my must haves. I have thought about it, but part of the stretching is not acting on that impulse. I am leaning in and trusting Him to lead, what ever that looks like.

The act of waiting has that very large element of rest involved. I think that may be the hardest part for me. Rest. Not a very big word. But so difficult. Biblically speaking waiting on God is an active word. It’s resting in the provision of God. Like a farmer sowing seeds on plot of land and resting in the fact that seeds will produce a harvest. The farmer still waters and tends the land but he isn’t forcing the harvest to come. He rests, knowing that seeds take time to grow. He waits. And when the time has come, the waiting ends and the celebration of the harvest begins.

The Israelites struggled trusting God’s timing. They lost out on the opportunity to get into the Promise Land quickly. They had refused to go into the Promise Land when God gave it to them and now they were in the desert. Wandering around. I bet they wished they had listened so that they could be settled and not wandering. Until the time appointed the Israelites still had a choice to follow or disobey. They could choose their path but if they disobeyed they could not choose the consequences. God would let them do either. Knowing the consequences weren’t pleasant the people followed God’s leading for 40 years. 40 years! The trip that should have taken 2 weeks took 40 years because of their disobedience.

The original Israelites who left Egypt would not see the Promise Land but their children would. They had heard and knew what was coming. At some points they knew they were headed in the direction of the Promise Land. Did they get excited, wondering if it was finally time to enter? Maybe they saw it off in the distance as the reached the tops of hills nearby. At some points along the way it was so close that they could have “wandered off” and ended up in Promise Land. But God was leading them by His cloud. When the cloud moved on, they packed up and moved on, following God. Their provider led them. He had protected them and blessed them, even while they were complaining. God had been faithful. He also had a plan and timing for the wandering. The needed only to trust God as the provider.

So I am waiting. Not here because of disobedience but because God is growing me and changing me. I am choosing to follow God. He has been so faithful to provide for us. He has taken care of our needs and given us freedom from the bondage we once had. He has led us to a place for healing. Now as we circle around, it seems like the Promise Land is just beyond this bend. It’s close and I desire to be there and rest from this waiting season. I wonder what it would be like to see the other side of this season. I get daydreaming planning and plotting all of it. But then I remember, I am not leading. I have placed my trust in the Provider. I am following the One who knows the best plan for me. So I look to Him, like the Israelites did the cloud. I look to see the direction it turns. And as I wait to see which direction He will lead, I rest. I again surrender my plans, my dreams, my calendar for all my life’s events to the only One who can make dreams happen. I trust that this season is growing me. He’s changing me, stretching me to become more like Him. While I rest, I remind myself that I could choose to do it my way but I know what happens when I get my way. So I will go the direction that God leads, even if He leads me away from the Promise Land again.